A Story Featuring Ghosts
"I am not a ghost, I am a specter," said Jay.
He covered his eyes with his translucent hands and fired a mean look through them. The other members of the ghost support group murmured and sighed, failing to be defied by Jay's best look of defiance. Goryō, the government appointed moderator, broke the awkward silence.
"According to this," Goryō said while shuffling folders and papers, "you are the spirit of a former software engineer called Jay Sepelin. Former Jay died in strange circumstances well before his due time... blah blah blah, leaving... Here! Listen. Leaving unresolved issues..."
"I am not a ghost, I am a specter," insisted Jay.
"...unresolved issues of the kind that blocks a soul from passing through to the next phase."
"I don't care about former Jay's fake unresolved issues. What does it say on those fancy papers of yours?"
The fancy papers shuffled more.
"Ah! Yes," continued Goryō. "Apparently former Jay wanted to learn water skiing."
The whole room erupted in ghostly laughter.
"How lame is that?" asked Jay in disbelief. "Certainly that's not the kind of issue that blocks a soul from eternal rest, is it? Aren't these kinds of issues supposed to be more grandiose in nature?"
"Well, that's a widespread myth about ghosts," explained Goryō. "It's not about the externally perceived glory of an unfulfilled desire what makes it unresolved but the intensity with which an individual yearned for it in life. If you are with us here we must conclude that, for former Jay, the flame of learning water skiing burned with the utmost..."
"He hated going to the beach," interrupted Jay trying to remain calm. "He hated boats and loud noises. He hated being splashed water on the face. Can't you see that this is nothing but a joke? Such was his twisted sense of humor."
"A fake desire would never leave a ghost behind. It would have to be absolutely true," said Goryō.
"I can believe that," accepted Jay. "I can believe that former Jay genuinely forced himself to long for water skiing lessons just to prank his future spirit. He was that kind of crooked man and probably that's what got him killed."
Every ghost in the room was following with excitement the interdimensional drama. Goryō tried to resolve the situation:
"Look, you just have to go to the beach, find a water skier, possess their human body for a couple of hours and you're done. Forever. Easy, no? At least you don't have to spend an eternity with an eye in the place of your anus like Shirime!"
Goryō laughed, pointed to Shirime and Shirime waved back with a resigned smile.
"I am not a ghost, I am a specter," said Jay.
"Jay, you must see reason. You are translucent, you are the spirit of a former, heavily flawed human. That makes you a ghost, don't you agree?"
"Maybe," conceded Jay, "but those are mere descriptions. If that was the end of the story I'd be fine with it but being a ghost is none about the descriptions and all about the prescriptions attached to the label. Those are my worries." Jay stood up and doubled in size. "Why must I resolve the fake issues of someone that I am not anymore? None of that old nonsense. I am a specter! I abhor the shackles of this ghostly existence that you all wear with pride!"
"I'm calling the cops," said Goryō. "You are in big trouble now."
"I'm the master of my own destiny! It's up to me to choose what issues to resolve and what issues not to resolve. Or to create more if I so please!"
"He's out of control. Everyone, help me subdue him!" screamed Goryō.
Not a ghost moved except the lady in the water who stood up and approached Jay. They locked eyes for a brief moment and both understood what was about to happen. The lady in the water twirled and spun and filled the room with water up to their former knees. She grabbed Goryō and before he could interject she threw him flat on the water. Jay stepped on his back and she made the water push Goryō around with Jay trying to keep balance on top.
"You know what? This is actually quite fun!" Jay shouted. "It might not have been a fake yearning after all! Wooooo!"
When the cops arrived, Jay's translucent body had already dissipated into the next phase.
May 2020. Sant Just Desvern